Just Here This, And Then I'll Go...

Another sleepless night
Longing for things invisible
Things that are no longer there
I listen to Last Goodbye
And remember...remember...remember...

I saw an old film tonight
It took me way back
To my youth?
To a better time?
To both? To neither?

I can feel it still
but only for a minute
What the fuck is happening?
Why is it like this?
I'm supposed to be happy
I am happy
But i'm bored outta my fuckin' mind!

My wife is asleep
Has been since 9
It's like that every night
Every night the same thing
Every night the same thing
Every night the same thing
Every night the same thing
Every night the same thing

Am i being clear enough?
Am i sending to right signals?
To whom? To myself?
Most likely...

What happened to the magic?
I used to feel so alone
used up
useless
damaged goods
directionless
melancholiholic
but i felt sooooo alive
even if i was indiferent to life

Now i'm a paranoid old fucker
Worried about dying and leaving
My beautiful boy without a father
Worried about the baddies lurking in the night
Worried about the creeps
Worried about the shadows
Worried about the voices whispering
Worried about not being responsible
in charge
steadfast
there
here

But, i'm dying inside
Is this how it's supposed to be?
Am i just being moody?
Everyday the same thing
Everyday the same thing
Everyday the same thing
Everyday the same thing
Everyday the same thing

Do you believe in reincarnation?
I never wanted to believe in that before
I wanted there to be an end to it all
some great reward at the end of the day

Now, i want a recount
Now, i want another shot
I coulda been a contenda

I think in my next life
I'd like to be a carny
I'd like to live on the darker side of the moon
I'm consumed by this life
It's directing me, not vice-versa
I would jump at the chance
To just be me for a weekend...again again again...